soul food friday: when even good change is a bit hard...

Many of you will know I’m a HR consultant.  Sometimes I advise clients about managing change. Hell, I even invented a change model based on whole brain thinking.  I know.... clever huh J *snort/guffaw*. So...bottom line is, I know the theory.

Last week, a major work change that’s been in the making for over six months finally came to fruition. We sold 80% of the business to (I’m very pleased to say)  an Australian publicly listed company. This means that 20% remains privately owned, but I’m no longer one of those owners. I'll have to resort to buying shares!

For the last ten years I’ve been a company director. I’ve been part owner of a business; involved in a whole pile of stuff that comes along with that. To be honest, some of it’s been a huge load and a heavy responsibility, but mostly it’s been an enormous privilege to be part of something that’s grown and succeeded and made a difference to a lot of people...and I really believe we have done that.

And while I was very happy to sell my shares (and no, I won't be rich!), last week I found myself experiencing a sense of loss.  And also being a bit bemused about how to go back to being an employee because I'm staying on with the company (actually, as a 'key person' I don't have a lot of choice about that for the next few years!). And while the changeover hasn't happened just yet, I'm slowly getting used to my place in the work world being different now.
During an email exchange with the first born on the day we announced the sale to staff, I wrote that I was a bit sad and feeling emotional. She said “that’s understandable – it’s your baby". True. [Well, it's one of them anyway...the others have caused a great deal more trouble!]

But she’s right. I do feel a bit like a mother who’s waved off her child as they leave home (been there, done that, found it hard...although when they've done it more than once it gets easier!). And like that person, I need to let go of the apron strings. Or to mix a metaphor or three...pass on the baton while untying the strings and looking to the future! It’s the right thing for me, and it’s the right thing for the company. It doesn’t mean I stop caring. It doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for it.  It just means I have a different role now, and I think it’s ok (probably even necessary) to do a bit of grieving for the old one. In fact, I don’t think I’d be me if I didn’t.

But it’s the silly, simple things that are doing my head in. I didn’t have to worry about moving out of my office. I did that ages ago, voluntarily (you can read my thoughts on that here, it's about being connected and it's still one of the best, simple things I've ever done).  But what on earth do I put on my business card now? Who’s going to sign all the things that I used to sign?  Who do I report to? And when do I surrender my corporate credit card L

The reality is that things will probably go on pretty much as they always have, at least for the foreseeable future. Day-to-day my core job doesn’t change, except I may very well get busier for a bit as we adjust to a new set of business requirements. I’ll still put in every bit of effort that’s needed. I’ll still celebrate all of our achievements, individual and collective.  I’ll just have a different role, add value in a different way, learn to accept that I won’t be introduced to people as a company director any more. Even though I've never really cared too much about status, even when I was in the Army, I think that might be one of the hardest things to get used to. Hey I'm human.
So...some adjustments to make, but none of them very agonising. And in time, a whole raft of new possibilities will emerge. I may not be sure about much, but I'm sure about that...whatever the 'that' may be! And if I'm a bit more flaky than usual for a while, I'm sure you'll understand; come to think of it that probably explains why I can't decide if I'm going through major, minor change, or minor, major change. 
I should probably see someone about that J


p.s. I do realise this is a completely self indulgent post. Normal nonsense will resume shortly J

soul food friday ~ being in the garden

I have to say that the little townhouse garden is excelling itself so far this spring...

I wouldn't call myself a brilliant gardener...I'm certainly not very knowledgeable about trees and plants and flowers...not like Sarah

But I am completely convinced of one thing...

  ...there are few things more restorative to a sad heart, a tired body or a worried brain than spending some time in a garden...

 admiring the perfect loveliness of a simple little flower and being grateful for the chance to sit for a while and just look

 even if it's only in the confines of a small courtyard garden. Actually, especially in a small space...it reminds me that we don't need all that very much to be happy.

Gardens allow us to just 'be'.

...even if that small garden is inhabited by a mad cat :)

The slayer and I send you our best wishes for a wonderful, serene weekend. Go and smell some flowers  if you can. And as Elvis says...

 This week for the first time I'm joining in with maxabella loves...

all images: a tranquil townhouse

this week's top ten...

I'll be honest...

I haven't been overly inspired this week

Couldn't seem to find all that many images that made me stop in my tracks.

To be fair though,

I may not have expended much effort looking this week

I spent a great deal of time in the garden on saturday and sunday

and had what amounted to an almost screen free weekend

it's good to do that from time to time don't you think?

On the plus side, my mammoth gardening effort means the honeysuckle is now kaput, and the jasmine has been released from its evil clutches and can now do it's own perfumed thing :)

In important news, mum's op has been rescheduled for the 24th. Fingers crossed it happens this time :)

And in news of the trivial kind, I'm thinking of buying this chair.

images seen on: belle maison; the diversion project; ish and chi; abigail ahern; dust jacket; the veda house; sarah tuttle on absolutely beautiful things; the style files; the home in paradise; matt blatt

a request...to you...from the first born...

Happy Monday. How about those All Blacks hey? That was a close one! 
But enough about the rugby...there are more important things on the agenda today! Those of you who've been visiting the townhouse for a while will know that the first born (my daughter Jess) works for Cleo Magazine. She's just been promoted to features/lifestyle writer...that's my girl :) She's asked if you lovely people could help with an article she's writing...

So, in her words...

Hi everyone,

I’m working on a cute story for the magazine about life advice from 9 – 90 year olds and was hoping you could share some words of wisdom someone under the age of 10 or over 80 has given you.

It could be funny, silly, profound, practical or supremely beautiful; I want to hear everything!

Please include the name and age of the person who gave you the advice.

I know you’re all super busy, so I thank you very much for your time!

Jess x

PS – a six year old once told me (in a very exasperated voice) “Jess, time comes and time goes and it doesn’t matter anymore.” Out of the mouths of babes…

Would love it if you could help my girl out...so I don't have to come up with something clever :)

soul food friday ~ perfect relationships...

I think about relationships a lot.  Probably far too much. I like this quote.  I'm not sure how true it is, but I'm willing to give Bob the benefit of the doubt...drug induced though its birth may have been. I find myself nodding along. It talks about laughter, thinking,  awareness (of yourself and the other person), acceptance, reasonableness, acknowledgement, responsibility, care...all the right ingredients for a good relationship I think. 

I don't believe there's such a thing as complete perfection in a relationship but we hold on tight and value those bits of perfection that come to us...more often than not if we're lucky...those times of pure pleasure and rightness...before the next bit of imperfection...the annoying interlude, careless word or thoughtless act comes along to bite us on the bum. Whether it's done to us, or by us. 

But what I think I know about the perfect relationship is this:

the perfection in a relationship comes from overlooking the imperfections...the ones that don't matter all that much...the tiny little gnat bites...the ones that won't be important in six weeks or at a stretch, six months.

That's my take on it anyway...what's yours and what have I missed?

image from bits of truth

soul food friday: a rare (and quite mild) rant

I can be quite opinionated. I won't lie. But I don't get on my soapbox much. Really, I don't. 

But yesterday I saw this...

and it really got on my goat; goats having horns 'n all.
In Australia there has been much recent debate after commentator Mia Freedman dared to say we shouldn't call Cadel Evans (Aussie winner of the Tour de France) a hero.  I agree with her, totally, although her timing may have been a bit off. Misuse of the word hero has long been one of my pet hates. To prove, I previously wrote about it here...
And while Jonathan Adler may be a design guru, and I dare say some will be ludicrous enough to call him a design 'hero', I really wish he or his marketing minions wouldn't use a word with as much gravitas as heroic to label a porcelain horn or three. Please leave it to describe acts of courage, which this is not, unless of course people hate them. If that's the case then I can probably think of a few other words, like dopey.
This hijacking of hero/heroine/heroic makes me crazy!
They are quite nice though, those horns :)
Have a lovely weekend while I put my soapbox away in the attic. Which I don't have. Wouldn't mind one though.

lessons from the 100 day challenge...

The 100 day don't buy anything I don't really need challenge is over. Here is my first post about the challenge where I tell you why I started this madness and here is the halfway point post where I 'fess up to a couple of small purchases in Bali. And I bet you're wondering what I've learned from the experience. Yes, I am too. But first, a recap...here's what I said I would give up buying for 100 days:

• magazines 
• books 
• appliances
• clothing, shoes and accessories
• music
• craft materials
• anything decorative for my house
• linen and towels
• cosmetics
• iPad applications
• anything from an op shop that I don't need even if it is an absolute bargain and I'm helping a charity. 
• wine (just kidding...!)

So how did I go?

• Magazines: 2 in 100 days, but I did renew my subscription to Real Living last month and I feel fine about that. Magazines are what I thought I would miss most, but I haven't. Not really. Occasionally I'd linger over the magazines in the supermarket but the feeling soon went away. And there are always blogs, and a lovely friend did buy me a few as a gift, and I still haven't finished reading them :)
• Books: ok, moving right along. I didn't buy books for maybe the first month but I couldn't manage for 100 days. I love books. Always have. Always will. Can't live without them. Therefore they fall into the category of 'need'. No guilt. Not a bit.
• Appliances: apart from the kettle that blew up, a little electric mini chopper/blender/whizzy thing. I've used it and it only cost $20 so I think that's ok.
• Clothing, shoes and accessories: nope, nothing. Now that's what I call impressive, although with spring and summer upon us that may change a little over the next few months.
• Music: no
• Craft materials: only the bits I needed for gifts I was making, which still aren't finished. Yep, I'm a great starter but finishing is sometimes a challenge :)
• anything decorative for my house: no, except for the occasional bunch of flowers and I'd say that was perfectly justified!
• Linen and towels: no
• Cosmetics: well, it's like this. I was going incredibly well with this until a friend invited me to a cosmetics party last weekend. I think the products I bought will be brilliant but it's a bit too early to tell yet...I'll let you know
• iPad apps: just the Blogpress one which I haven't used, so that may be justified in going into the things I didn't really need category
• stuff from op shops: I went into a few when we went to Ballarat, but apart from a couple of books (see above) I've bought nothing!
• wine: don't be crazy. 

And, what have I learned (and I'm not about to write an essay on consumerism...although I probably could...so don't worry!):

• that I definitely have enough 'things' and I'm not in the least bit deprived (nor do I feel deprived, there's a difference) if I don't have more/the latest/or in some cases the replacement
• that I'm becoming less interested in 'stuff' (except book type stuff...see above!)
• that while I'm happy to go shopping with others I really don't have all that much interest in buying for myself these days (is this a sign of age I wonder or just an acceptance of enough?)
• that in the early days of the challenge I used avoidance as a strategy (i.e. didn't go anywhere near shops, didn't open emails from shops, didn't follow links to shops on blogs). Now I don't need to avoid, but I'm just not all that interested to be honest
• that when I do buy I think about it much more carefully. I ask myself do I really, really need it or do I love it so much that I will forever kick myself if I don't get it? And importantly if I do need it is this the best option, because for sure I have a lot of things in my house that haven't been the best choice. And if the answer is yes, then of course I'm going to buy it, provided it's affordable. It's not about not buying for the sake of not buying. 
• that I've been surprised at the things I've said no to...they've mostly been things for the house...this has always been my weak spot (along with books!)...and unsuitable men ;)
• that I really, truly love having a zero balance on the credit card statement
• that 'things' don't make you happy (but we all knew that) and that some things make you smile every time you look at them...and that they are the things you know you've bought well...they are the things you would be quite correct in saying you really need :)

And during it all I found this quote, which sums up the experience quite nicely I think.

"Enough is abundance to the wise."

 Euripides

Someone indicated to me that Euripides also said "where there is no wine, there is no love".  I suspect that may not be an accurate quote, but I'm happy to go with it!

 Now, what will I try next I wonder :)

images: my clever girl; flickr; google images

frozen moments in time...

Sunday is the tenth anniversary of the day that will forever, or for at least a very long time be known as nine eleven. And my heart goes out to all those who are still suffering. I remember exactly what I was doing and where I was when I heard the news...or rather, saw it on the tv. I bet you do too.

I also remember the details of the day Diana died, and exactly where I was during her funeral (on a supposedly romantic weekend away, with me refusing to budge from the tv coverage). Funnily enough that relationship didn't last but poor Diana wasn't the reason!

I also vividly remember the day of the first moon landing. We were sent home from school early to watch it because schools in those days didn't have tv...yep, I'm that old!

I can also remember overhearing my best friend Barbara's dad telling others what he thought should happen to the person who shot Bobby Kennedy. I won't repeat it here.
Closer to home the Newcastle earthquake in 1989 was a shock on a personal level. I was living in England and a phone call from the other side of the world delivered the news that a relative had been killed.

I don't really have a point in writing this post, other than to remind myself how extraordinary some events are, how indelibly etched into our brains they've become and how easy it can sometimes be to take ourselves back to those frozen moments in time. And I also wonder if horrible events embed themselves more deeply than the good ones. I hope not. What do you think? 

all images google images

soul food friday ~ what labels do you give yourself?

Are you new to soul food fridays? It's where I get all philosophical on you. Buckle up and come along for the ride. And welcome.

here

Ever since I came back from Bali I've been writing. Short stories, random thoughts in pretty notebooks, ideas that inconveniently float into my mind while I'm in the shower, the first sentence of something or other that's yet to fully reveal itself. 

I said in this post that I'd found what I wanted to do. And what I want, more than I think I've wanted many things in my life, is to write. And yet, even though I'm writing, even though I'm more determined about this than a lifetime of other things I've tried, I still can't offer myself the label 'writer'. Not even after having coffee with a friend the other day who told me that at least 90% of my job is writing. Which is true. But it's not the right sort of writing if you know what I mean.

here

So I did the only sensible thing. I started to write about my reluctance to tattoo writer on my forehead. Here's a snippet from a piece I'm working on...

     I paint. But this doesn’t make me an artist. I garden. I plant and I prune and I dig but I’m hardly a gardener. I cook but I don't call myself a cook, much less a chef.  I take photos and some of them turn out quite well. I’ve managed to capture some lovely things through my camera but do I call myself a photographer? Do you call me that? Do you call me any of these things? No. And neither do I. Because I'm not paid to cook, garden or take photos. 

     This is why, although I write, I can’t name myself writer. I can't meet someone new, shake their hand and in response to the inevitable 'what do you do?' can't bring myself to say 'I write'. It’s a label that won’t stick. It slides easily off and away like the sticker on a jam jar that's been soaking in the sink for just the right amount of time.

It's fear isn't it? And now I think about it, most of the labels I've given myself don't earn me a living, apart from my business of course. I don't get paid to be a mum, partner, reader, rambler, friend. Of course I don't. In fact I'm usually the one doling out the dollars! But I do all these things, happily and willingly. I am all of these things. We do stuff we aren't paid for, lots of it, all the time. We do it because it's worthwhile, because we have to, because these things give us pleasure and hope and add meaning to our lives. Why should 'writer' be any different? 

... I've tried so many things. Tried, failed or just got bored. My failures laugh quietly at me from the corners of my home, stashed in cupboards, shoved under beds. Half done paintings, incomplete quilts, balls of yarn artfully resting in a wicker basket under an antique desk, with its barley twist legs and beautiful brass handles. Unfinished tapestries on wooden frames are shoved away at the end of this long brown desk I’m writing at now. Flung one day between it and the window they wag their bright woolly fingers at me. Psych degrees started and abandoned. Not just once, not even twice, but three times and that's it, you're out. And I wonder whether this thing called writing will end up stashed in a cupboard or somewhere on a forgotten thumb drive.

So, dear bloggy people, as my first step, over there in the about me section, I've snuck in 'writer' along with those other things I know I am. I can say it to you here in the safety of this blogging community. I know you'll get it. And even if you don't it doesn't matter, it still feels good. I'm keeping it.
Are you a bit like me? 
What are the labels that you'd love to shout out loud to the world but can't bring yourself to do just yet? 

the 100 day challenge: half way point...

Just over half way actually...53 days to be exact. So what's it all about? You can read the original post here but essentially I challenged myself to go 100 days without buying anything I didn't really need, in order to think a bit more deeply about what I needed as opposed to what I just wanted.
I had a long list...here's how I'm travelling.

• Magazines: Remember that I am a self confessed magazine tragic. I have bought one magazine. One. This month's Country Style at the airport  last week.

• Appliances: the kettle gave up the ghost about two days after I started the challenge (of course!) and it was dangerous to continue using it, so I had to buy a new one. I suppose I could have boiled water on the stove, but nah, that wasn't going to happen.
• Clothing, shoes and accessories: Clothes ~ nil. Shoes ~ one pair of beaded thongs when I was in Bali for the princely sum of $8.33. Accessories ~ two beaded rings in Bali at about $2.50 each. I didn't buy a beautiful necklace there that cost $300. It was a close call!
• Craft materials: some fabric to finish Ruby's quilt and some wool for the first born's crochet blanket. Alas neither of them are quite finished yet!
• Anything decorative for my house: nope, not even a Buddha in Bali!
• Linen and towels: that's another no. But I did buy a new ironing board cover the other day. Does that count?
• Cosmetics: a bottle of duty free perfume on the way to Bali. Femme by Boss - 'tis very nice and one of my perfumes had run out so it was a replacement, sort of. Don't you think?

• iPad applications: Blogpress. Well that's an essential for a blogging girl on the go isn't it??
• Op shop purchases: haven't set foot in one for 53 days!

Pretty impressive don't you think?

What's that you say? What about books Kerry? Weren't they on your list too?

Ah, yes, well...I may have bought a few of those.

But I'm certainly not going to beat myself up about that. They are, and of course I knew this already, my one necessity. I have always answered "a book of course" whenever asked the question "what would you buy with your last $20?" 

Not that anyone's ever actually asked me that question, but that's hardly the point :) And I have been doing an awful lot of reading lately.

I feel really good about this challenge. I am most surprised by the fact that I'm not missing the magazines very much at all. I still have a subscription to Real Living and that's doing me nicely, and I'm not all that interested in going shopping. It's a bit of a revelation actually.

So I will continue until September 18th when my hundred days are up and then I'll see how I feel. I'm not even all that inclined to reward myself at this point, but I probably shouldn't speak too soon!

Has anyone else been on this challenge with me? How are you going with it?

soul food friday ~ redefining "I need..." and a 100 day challenge

Soul food friday posts are written mostly for me...to help me get my head on straight about things that concern me, or sometimes just a bit of fluff about things I've been thinking about. But I do know that sometimes they strike a chord with some of you. Maybe this one will too. See what you think.

I read an article a little while back called 60 small ways to improve your life in the next 100 days. You can find it here. It's a bit of false advertising if you ask me. I'm not sure that all of those 60 things could be classified as small. For example, keeping a log of your mental chatter (both positive and negative) for the next ten days is not a small ask. It's huuuuuge. Especially if you talk to yourself a lot. Who, me? Don't be silly.

But one of the 60 caught my eye.  It was this: don't buy anything you don't really need for the next 100 days. 

I'm big on concepts. I work with them all the time in my day job. For me, the 'concept' of not buying anything you don't need for 100 days is fine. Will it improve my life? I'm not sure what the evidence is to support that, but I'm happy to give it the benefit of the doubt. But as with all strategies, it's the execution that's the killer (ooh, I think I just made a clever, but unintentional pun!) The execution...and the definitions.

To be more precise, the definition of 'need'. For certain, there are things that we absolutely, positively, definitely need in our lives: love, affection, shelter, food, clothing, appreciation, someone to lean on. But the kitchenaid that I so admire? Perhaps not. Especially when I don't bake.  Which is why I painted this one.

So I thought about whether I would take on this challenge. If I were to examine my possessions closely I'd have to say that I don't really need much of anything. I have furniture, clothing, a reliable car that gets me from A to B, a reasonably equipped kitchen, nice things to look at, good plates to eat off. So, on the face of it, not buying anything I don't really need for 100 days seems an easy enough challenge.

I would have to say though, that all my life I have been, and continue to be a 'consumer' (although probably to a lesser extent now). I have lost count of the number of things that I have bought (and brought into) my life that I didn't need, and perhaps as a result, no longer have. I have bought things out of desire, want, maybe if I'm truly honest, even competition. And many times I've bought things out of need...not for the thing itself, but for the hole in my life I thought it would fill. It invariably didn't.

Why do I want to undertake this challenge? A couple of reasons: to save a bit of money; to not bring anything else into the house until I've had a chance to donate things that I no longer need...and if I'm honest (twice in the one post!)...just to see if I can do it. I've always been ever so slightly competitive :) But probably, most importantly, to find that line between spendthrift and savvy. To know, without question, what purchase will bring pleasure way out of proportion to its cost. Because, there are of course 'things' that can lift us up simply by looking at them. And why would you deny yourself that. That's just crazy talk. It's also probably about defining 'what is enough?'
Here's what I've decided fits into the 'I don't really need' category for me for the next 100 days:

• magazines (other than the ones I've already subscribed to which are therefore 'free'!!);
• books (this will be very, very hard for me)...but as I have an entire shelf of books in my bookcase waiting to be read, and I'm a member of the library, and I have friends with books...I think I can do it. Just.
• appliances (unless it's to replace an essential item that has given up the ghost);
• clothing, shoes and accessories;
• music;
• craft materials (unless it's a gift for someone and it can't be made with what I already have);
• anything decorative for my house;
• linen and towels;
• cosmetics (unless it's to replace a basic that's run out...don't want to scare small children now do we)
• iPad applications!;
• anything from an op shop that I don't need even if it is an absolute bargain and I'm helping a charity. If it's that great someone else will snap it up anyway;
• wine (just kidding...!)

So my friends, it starts from now and according to my quick calculation it will end on 18 September. That's more than a bit scary when you write it down! I'm going to keep a few notes about the things that have enticed me along the way and whether I succumbed or not. Because sure as eggs or little green apples I am likely to fall off the shopping trolley at some point or another!

Caveat: (I'm not silly).. and no, that's not the caveat, although it could be. I'm heading off to Bali next weekend for a writing course run by the Sydney Writers' Centre. It was booked months and months ago so don't go asking me if it's really a need! And in any case, it is. There will be things I see there that I will want to buy. And I will. I know that. Because I have always bought something special back from my travels, and I'm not prepared to stop that for this bit of self imposed nonsense. So, apart from that...let's see how I go. Maybe you'd like to make my list a bit longer so it's more of a challenge. Please don't :) Or just tell me what you think. Or join me if you'd like. I'm happy any which way.
All images found on pinterest. And why all the buddhas? Because that's almost certainly what I'll be buying in Bali :)